Joke of the month.....

[Pottsy]

Any1 got any awesome jokes they would like to share? lol, i need a good laugh, haven't had 1 in a while

But heres 1 joke that i like lol, kinda sexest to guys but still funny.






60 Things what NOT to say to a naked guy:

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. ####, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?

 

[Floyd]

tbh, if i saw a naked bloke i wudnt be looking at his Peepee

 

[Far]

yes you would lol.

 

[CraiG^]

lmao

 

[HolyCow]

Q: What's pink and bubbly and scratches at the window?
A: A baby in a microwave.

Q: What's pink and red and can't turn around in corners?
A: A baby with a javelin through it's head.

Q: What's pink, red and silver and crawls into walls?
A: A baby with forks in it's eyes.

Q: What's pink and red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A: A baby playing with a chainsaw.

Q: Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A: Someone threw a fridge at him.

(I already posted this next one a few days ago, I think)
Q: What does 50 Cent say to his grandmother?
A: Gee, you knit?

 

[Pottsy]

Here's another joke.

Quite hilarious cause it's a Russian joke, there funny as hell lol.

It's a short story joke

The Vodka Bottle

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."

The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want,so make me piss vodka."

The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.

The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.

Finally Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, "Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka."His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table.

The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it his wife asks him, "But Boris, why do we need only one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight, my love, you drink from the bottle."

 

[Pottsy]

Here r some blonde jokes, sorry to any blonde girls on this forum lol.

The Blondes Dumb Wish

A blonde a brunett and a red haired women are all stranded on a desert island.

They find a lamp and rub it. A genie pops out and offers them all one wish.

The brunett says "I miss my family so I want to go home", then she is zaped home.

The red haired women says "I miss my family so I want to go home too" so she is zapped home.

Finally the blonde says "I am so lonley I wish my friends back"


A Blonde Buys A Dildo

One day this guy comes to work at a dildo shop. His boss leaves for the day and puts him in charge of the shop.

About an hour later a black haired lady comes in and asks "How much for your black dildos?"

The guy says "30 bucks"

"And how much for your white dildos?" asks the lady.

Again the man says "30 bucks for the black and 30 bucks for the white"

So she takes the black one and leaves.

A while later a brunette comes in to the store and asks "How much for your white dildos?"

The man responds "30 bucks"

She asks "And how much for your black dildos?"

"30 bucks for the white and 30 bucks for the black" replies the man.

So she takes the white one leaves.

About an hour later a blonde walks through the door and asks "How much are your dildos?"

The guys says "All our dildos are 30 bucks"

Then she looks up behind the man on a shelf and ask "How much for that plaid one?"

The man responds "Oh, that one is special. That will cost you $250"

The blonde agrees and takes it.

Later that day the boss come back and asks "So what did you sell today?"

The man says "I sold a black dildo, a white dildo , and your thermous flask for $250!"

OUCH!


Blonde Ransom

A blonde and her boyfriend are going through they're daily routine in the bathroom when there's a knock at the door. The boyfriend who is in the shower tells the blonde to go answer the door.

The blonde puts on a towel and goes to the door. A man is standing there, and says "Hey hun, do me a favor."

"What?" askes the blonde.

"Drop the towel and I'll give you $500!." replied the man.

The blonde drops her towel and jiggles her tits for the man at the door.

"Thanks, a ton hun, i'll catch you later" says the man and he hands her the $500.

The blonde walks back smilling to her boyfriend who had just got out of the shower.

As he steps out, he says "Hey hun? I just thought I'd let you know John will be stopping by to pay me back that $500 he owes me!"

 

[A Touch of Evil]

How do you confuse a homosexual?

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