Joke Thingymajiggy

[demonx]

There was a old woman dragging two full bin bags behind her, One of the bags split and £20 notes start falling out, a police man stops the old lady and tells her there are £20 notes falling out of her bag, she thanks the police man and heads off to pick up her notes, the police man says "Where did you get all that, i hope its not stolen" the old woman replied "Oh god no, every sunday i stand by my back fence with some sheers and when a football fan puts his privates through my fence to piss i say £20 or it comes off" the police man says "oh...o..k then, whats the other bag for?", the old woman replies "Well not everyone pays"....


Made me chuckle earlier, heard it on mercury fm lol :P

 

[Prai]

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00, which seemed awfully cheap.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "You alright Dave not seen you for ages!"

 

[Blaminator]

Q: A blonde, a brunette and a redhead jump off a bridge. Who reaches the ground first?

Spoiler

A: The acceleration of objects in the earth's gravitational field is in no way related to either weight or hair colour, and so the three ladies accelerated together at a constant 9.8 meters per second squared, and suffered life threatening injuries when they simultaneously hit the railway track below.